I cockslap morals
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
