I cockslap morals
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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