Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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