Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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