If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
