So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
