...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize