just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
BRING THE BAGELS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
