i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
