i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
