just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
