lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
