obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
