First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
