As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
