everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
