dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
time to smoke my breakfast
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
