Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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