Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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