Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
