it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
