he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
