I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
