i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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