5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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