Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
