I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
