I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
