She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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