I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
