I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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