none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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