u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize