I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
