Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Randomize
