Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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