think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
