cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize