Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
