Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
