Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
