Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
