Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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