i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
