Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
