You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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