we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
