Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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