Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize