So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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