It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
