Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
