I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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