you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I died a long time ago.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
