my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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