Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
