i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
