i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize