well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
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