im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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