exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
