It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
