Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize