ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
