whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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