After last night, I could never be a politician.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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