That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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