You just made me feel so damn special
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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